Do to others as you would have them do to you.
Luke 6:31
Chances are that you learned this as a child; even if you weren’t brought up in a Christian home. Since this is a lesson on forgiveness, let’s get right to the point, since we are already familiar with this verse.
If you did something that resulted in pain or harm or hurt to another person, would you want them to forgive you?
OK, nobody ever says “no” to that question! Let’s try another one:
Are you willing to be first and forgive others who hurt you in some way, even if they might not always forgive you?
Ah, now that one isn’t quite as easy. If you said “yes,” then have you already forgiven those who have wronged you in your life? Maybe we need to take a look at that one before you answer.
We know that God has forgiven us for our sins when we become Christians. There are literally hundreds of verses in the New Testament that tell us so, in fact they tell us that not only has God forgiven us, but that He has taken our sins away completely. It isn’t as though our “permanent record” shows that we have committed infractions, and that those infractions are “paid for”. God has taken the infractions away completely; our “record” is completely clean. Thus, God’s forgiveness means that there is no record of our sins any more, and that there is no penalty or repercussions either: We have been justified before God.
What great news!
Then God tells us that just as our sins have been forgiven, so also must we forgive others. When we forgive another person, that means that we no longer reserve the right to punish them; there are no repercussions from us. If the person has committed a crime, there might be legal ramifications, and if they are not followers of Christ, they may have an issue with God, but we have acknowledged that we have forgiven them and have moved on. That doesn’t mean that we have necessarily forgotten the incident, and it surely doesn’t mean that we will put ourselves or our families into harm’s way, but we will not seek to impose sanctions ourselves, and there will be no grudges. When we do this, we gain two wonderful advantages, first, we will grow closer in our relationship with Jesus Christ, for our action is one of love and within His will for us. Second, we will have lifted a terrible burden off of our own shoulders, since we won’t have the baggage of pain and emotional trauma to carry through life any more.
So, back to the question: Are you willing to be first and forgive others who hurt you in some way, even if they might not always forgive you?
Life Project Blog 
From Ruth: http://healingthoughtsblog.com/
“I love the discussion! This reminds me of an old joke that I love. It sums up what I believe about forgiveness.
A man is suspicious of his friend, because the friend says he talks to God and God talks back. So the man decides to test his friend. He says to his friend, “I went to confession this morning. I want you to ask God to tell you what I said”.
So the friend prays for a bit, and then tells the man, “Okay, I asked God to tell me, and He did. He was very, very specific.”
“That’s good,” said the skeptical man. “Tell me what God heard me confess.”
His friends answered, “Okay. And these are God’s precise words. ‘I don’t remember’.”
(Ref. 1 John 1:9)”
I love it! Beautiful 🙂
Ha ha. lovely. vw
I wrote a series about the Golden Rule from my dog’s perspective about a month ago. He was an exemption clause for cats and I think most of us are like that when the going gets tough xx Rowena
Yes, I think you’re right about that
What do you do when someone in a position of power or authority harms you and is continuing to harm you? What do you do when they are harming others alongside you?
I have two books: one talks about the two sides of forgiveness: ‘Caring enough to Not forgive/caring enough to forgive” by David Augsburger and “Healing Agony:Re-imagining Forgiveness” by Stephen Cherry.
It is counter intuitive to most Christians to tell them that sometimes you need to care sufficiently and NOT forgive as David Augsberger suggests.
For example, he states:
“When ‘forgiveness’ distorts feelings by denying that there was hurt, disconnecting from the pain, squelching the emotions that rise, pretending that all is forgiven, forgotten, forgone (especially if it is still going on) Don’t trust is. It’s a mechanical trick”
Likewise, Stephen Cherry, talks about the benefit of holding a grudge, lightly and provisionally, as we need to acknowledge and be creative with our unjust hurt, righteous anger and appropriate resentment, letting it go only when it has done its work.
Forgiveness is not easy, especially when someone is continuing to hurt you, perhaps even putting all the blame on you without recognising their fault.
God is there helping make sense of the injustice being done. And through history, through many instances has changed things around. It is not an easy struggle and we need to face it, grapple with it, acknowledge the wrong done, and its consequences, before we can forgive.
Julia
Very interesting dilemma. As I see it, forgiveness doesn’t mean that we allow people to harm us or others, nor does it mean that we forget what happened; far from it. The memory of the hurt isn’t going anywhere, but we can still forgive in obedience to Christ. Getting even, holding grudges and allowing ourselves to be filled with resentment are not things that accrue to our benefit, and they surely do not build His kingdom or achieve His purpose… but they can impede these things. Having said this, it may not be possible for us to let those things go immediately; it may take a little time, but forgiveness on some level at least, will need to take place before we can begin to heal, and maybe that is the point those authors are making; I’m not sure. Thanks for sharing these thoughts so that we all can reflect more on all of this!
This answers a very personal question for me I’ve prayed over for years. I’m that grateful!
Glory to God.
Awesome!
The single most dangerous prayer, forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who tresspass against us!
It sure is!
“but we will not seek to impose sanctions ourselves, and there will be no grudges.” This is so important, Don. My pastor recently said, “We judge others on their behavior, but judge ourselves on our intentions.” Why is it so difficult for us to accept God’s gift of grace to others? If we truly believe we are not the only humans God created, we must be willing to forgive.
Amen!
The most difficult thing I experience every day is the separation between my brother and I. A few years ago we disagreed on a subject, since I did not take his position on the issue he broke off contact with me, I have reached out several times to him, but he refuses all contact. I cannot forgive him because he did not offend me; to me it was just a difference of opinion as I have everyday with others, no big deal. But I still feel this absence strongly. Sometime forgiveness is a one way street,
That scenario is so very sad… and unnecessary. Yet we can only do our own part to repair a relationship; the rest is up to the other person. Personally, it is hard for me to understand why such people insist on carrying all that weight around with them; resentment, anger and hurt: Very sad.
You’re right, forgiveness is often a one way street.
Don, I’m not following this entire series. Have you dealt with the oft repeated vow, “I will forgive, but I won’t forget? Are we really forgiving if we hold onto the offense or nurse a grudge? Can’t God heal our memories so the pain of the offense doesn’t plague us? I’m not sure if this is from scripture or not, but I remember hearing a preacher once say: “God casts my sin into the sea of forgetfulness and says, “No fishing allowed.” Whether we forgive ourselves or others, don’t we need to put it behind us and move on?
I must admit that I’m a little surprised by your question on this one, for that is precisely the point of the entire series. I guess I communicated it poorly; sorry for that.
someone once said some people are too ashamed to ask for forgiveness, and also that its not bad to forgive others for the sorry we never heard
That sounds like it was said by someone who was wise