Life Project Blog

From the fruit of their mouth a person’s stomach is filled;
    with the harvest of their lips they are satisfied.

The tongue has the power of life and death,
    and those who love it will eat its fruit.

He who finds a wife finds what is good
    and receives favor from the Lord.

The poor plead for mercy,
    but the rich answer harshly.

One who has unreliable friends soon comes to ruin,
    but there is a friend who sticks closer than a brother.

Prov 18:20-24

Chapter 18 winds up with these 5 verses that, once again, give us insight into the nature of disputes and their avoidance. Verses 20 and 21 are all about what people choose to say. Most people today do not quite understand how powerful their words can be, and most often, what is said is so careless that their speech seldom rises beyond nonsense. Words can be as destructive as a bomb, or they can build great cities. Our author describes the result of speech as “Fruit” that can satisfy and fill a person. It is an apt metaphor, as fruit can nourish a person or sicken a person.

Verse 22 takes quite a different angle about disputes, for a person who finds a wife not only finds what is good, but he finds himself within God’s will for creating humanity (cf. Genesis 2:20-25).

The final two verses reference the friends we keep. If we really think about it, we may have a lot of friends at any given time, yet

 If we are honest, most of those are more likely acquaintances and not true friends. Sometimes there may be someone who insinuates themselves into our circle of friends and who goes to great lengths to earn our trust, only to take advantage of us and bring about our ruin. Yet a true friend will remain at our side no matter what and will always have our back.

Proverbs 18:15-24 is a section that deals with disputes, both their avoidance and ways to blunder into them unnecessarily. The first several verses deal with ways to avoid disputes…

¹⁵The heart of the discerning acquires knowledge,
    for the ears of the wise seek it out.

The ear of the wise person listens carefully, hoping to gain knowledge, and the heart of the wise person stores up the knowledge that can be used to work out problems that come up in life before they become disputes. This seems to me to be obvious, yet how many hundreds of times have I seen people jump right into a confrontation before finding out what the facts really are in something that came up. What a waste of time and energy!

¹⁶ A gift opens the way
    and ushers the giver into the presence of the great.

I think this one is pretty obvious, and yet if you aren’t careful, you could find yourself being accused of attempted bribery, at least in the USA. Rules and customs vary of course, and the “great” isn’t necessarily a government official. The larger point is valid in either case, if you can gain access to a person of influence, you may head many problems off at the pass.

¹⁷ In a lawsuit the first to speak seems right,
    until someone comes forward and cross-examines.

This is very true- have courage! Equally important, don’t be over confident.

¹⁸ Casting the lot settles disputes
    and keeps strong opponents apart.

Casting lots is obsolete in modern times, but it used to be a method of settling important matters without violence. In the Law of Moses, it was a way to determine the will of God, as when it was used in Acts to select a replacement for Judas Iscariot. In our times, people have been known to decide minor questions by flipping a coin.

¹⁹ A brother wronged is more unyielding than a fortified city;
    disputes are like the barred gates of a citadel.

When love is lost, bitterness sets in, and the bitterness is as strong and as intense as the love had previously been. The verse shows an offended brother is hard to win over, but it does not say it is impossible. Paul and Barnabas had a serious break (Acts 15:36-40) but there is evidence that such was not permanent. Paul refused to take Mark (Acts 15:37,38), which no doubt was an offence to Mark, but later Paul wrote, “Take Mark, and bring him with thee; for he is useful to me for ministering” (I1 Tim. 4:ll). Jacob and Esau had a notable falling out (Gen. 27:41-45), but later there was a reconciliation (Gen 33:8-12). This verse gives a strong reason for being careful of what we say and do that may needlessly offend others. Jas. 1:19 says, “Let every man be swift to hear, slow to speak, slow to wrath.”