Life Project Blog

It’s been quite a journey through our study of What the Bible Says About Forgiveness. I hope that you have found it to be interesting and useful. We’ve looked simply and honestly at what our Lord had to say on forgiveness, both God’s forgiveness of us and our forgiveness of each other. We have also considered thoughts about getting even with others for what we perceive them as doing, and holding grudges, and the difference between forgiving and forgetting.

Perhaps the most significant aspect of forgiveness is learning to forgive ourselves for the times when we have acted as our own worst enemies, which inevitably leads us to moving on from the hurt into new and better days of our lives.

With all of this said, and rather than rehashing everything we’ve learned in our study, I’d just like to leave you with a true story about a couple who ran into some serious trouble in their marriage.

I’ve never really understood how this got started, but I have had quite a few people call me when they had marriage problems. I am not a counselor or a therapist, not by a long shot. Yet when these things happen, they are usually members of a church congregation in which I was a member of the Leadership Team… so I guess that’s the real connection.

One night I had a phone call from Bill who asked me if I would help him with his marriage. He made it clear that he was calling me because he knew that I would not tell him what he wanted to hear; that I would be straight with him, no matter what.

I agreed to give it a try.

Over several lengthy sessions, I got the picture of the problems and brought Bill to a place where he was ready to forgive his wife Pat for her part in their problems and accept total responsibility for his part. He admitted that he could be rather arrogant and demanding, inconsiderate and on and on. Without getting into too much detail, it seemed to me that Pat and Bill had both erred in the marriage relationship each in their own ways, but more or less equally. Bill made a commitment to me to repent of his previous negative behaviors and to forgive Pat entirely of hers; to wipe the slate clear and completely clean.

About six weeks later, after Bill had done his best to keep his promises to me, Pat agreed to sit down with Bill and me in the hope of working things out for good. During the three hours we were together, Pat agreed that Bill was practically a new man, kind, considerate, and so on. We had worked out many household issues, both sides giving and taking and being perfectly reasonable, even loving. And then it happened…

Bill promised Pat that he had forgiven her for all past deeds, things said, and so on, that he would move on and that she had a clean slate with no getting even or resentment—all of that was put into the past forever. Pat, much moved, also agreed to forgive and move on; the slate was clean and the past was over. They embraced; I noticed Bill was moved to tears. When the embrace was done, Pat turned to Bill and said, “I hope you don’t think there won’t still be repercussions.”

That was the end of the marriage.

The last lesson on Forgiveness is this: God has commanded us to forgive one another because we need to forgive one another. Without forgiveness our lives will be way too hard as we carry the baggage of the past with us. Where will we go for relief? There are no relationships without forgiveness.

My prayer for all of you is that you carefully consider what God is telling each of us in His Word about forgiveness. I pray that you will hear what He is teaching all of us and take whatever action He leads you to take. May His peace and grace live in your hearts and minds.